With Sounds True, she has published The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships. You love the way they smell, the way they touch felt really yummy. I didn’t grow up in a particularly loving context. I really felt there was a strong piece that was really important because, as you know, with your clients and the therapists listening now, trauma tends to disconnect us in all directions from ourselves, from the ground, from spirituality, from other people, we end up being very isolated. I’m thrilled to be here. They have relationships maybe with five children. And traumatic events can deeply affect that core relational blueprint. Diane Poole Heller is a licensed therapist and noted expert in trauma, integrative healing, and secure attachment. And I go to Mexico for two months, every year. And then that involves expert calls on people that are related to the topic. How big that. Or also if you’re shut down in an over activated parasympathetic reaction or like Steven Porges would call that the dorsal vagal response, and I love his work too. I think it has a lot to do with how you want your lifestyle to be. They were making birch tree canoes and birch tree different things and things to hold the babies and she said that when she brought the tribe together, and her parents came and she came and they did this kind of art workshop, doing all the original indigenous activities, people just flourish, they were so filled with joy, and that was a deep healing experience. We look forward to connecting with you again on the next episode of The Higher Practice Podcast where we explore what it takes to achieve optimal mental health. There’s a lot of both going on. And then I started waking up. This short quiz is easy and straight-forward. Yeah, yeah. And it triggers this terror, you know, you have enough presence of mind to know it’s not coming from your partner, but you feel like it’s coming from the relationship. So, I often get invited to keynote or to present at conferences. And I loved that but I don’t know how to always facilitate that. So early that it lives in an implicit memory, which means basically not conscious yet memory. In partnership with Sounds True, she will be hosting the Psychology 2.0 online summit—a 14-day series of presentations from some of the most innovative and engaging figures in contemporary psychotherapy. And a lot of therapists have found surprising to themselves that they can actually work online quite effectively. So, I’m just trying as much as I can, unfortunately, like you, you have the podcast platform, and I have my teaching online. [32:00], Starting A Relationship Revolution With Secure Attachment [41:00], The Effects of A Disorganized Relationship Environment [46:00], Diane’s Method For Repairing From A Damaging Relationship [52:00], Don’t Sabotage Your Healthy Relationship Because Of Your Attachment Issues [1:01:00], Why You Shouldn’t Try To Heal Trauma Alone [1:03:00], Using Mental Time Travel (Autonoesis) For Healing [1:08:00], Diane’s Take On Why People Experience Repeated Trauma [1:11:00], Diane’s Jem Of Advice For Young Adults & Not Taking Things Personally [1:17:00]. I mean, it’s hard for us to see our part, partly because attachment gets encoded in our brain and our nervous system, in our body and our ligaments and our muscles and all of us. And I also really like Marshall Rosenberg’s nonviolent communication for couples too. This has sort of been a trauma month for us in terms of really taking deep dives of people into trauma and attachment and how that psychological injury happens. So, I started to really hone in on what’s happening relationally you know, and how do we bring our ability to connect to ourselves and connect other people back then I got really maniacally focused on attachment theory. And that was really helpful to me because some of the things that I would suggest even the things I suggested on this call might not really fit for an indigenous person, right? But in person, it still seems to help us shift our vagal nerve response and our physiology towards safety, even better when we’re actually feeling a person in their presence more directlyâ, The Significance of Achieving Secure Attachment – 23:22 9 of The Best Podcast Episodes for Diane Poole Heller. Free 5 short videos on attachment topics if you type your email into your text at 720-548 2229 - they will come one every few days... For public and therapists - The Power of Attachment book or Healing Your Attachment Wounds CD set from Sounds True - Both on Amazon with lots of practical exercises or interventions, DARe live training online: DARe 3: Aug 27-29 The Neurobiology of Loving Relationships - and DARe 4: Wound to Wellness - Working with Disorganized Attachment and Victim-Perpetrator Dynamics in early November. That’s what this conversation is really about. And even in that group, it’s hard to come up with like, how do we integrate this into a model? And I think, for the medical providers in the audience, we try to teach in our institute that it’s helpful to have all these different models to be working with, because when you get hyper specialized, like for example, let’s say you’re an SE practitioner, but you don’t have attachment tools, it can be a real liability, or vice versa. â https://www.linkedin.com/in/diane-p-heller-5a1288a2/ In this episode, she identifies the four main attachment styles and how they develop as adaptations to our relationships with primary care givers, and offers suggestions for how we can heal attachment wounds. You like the way they looked and everything. Diane developed her own signature series on Adult Attachment called DARe (Dynamic Attachment Re-patterning experience) also known as SATe (Somatic Attachment Training experience). As a Senior Faculty member for SETI she teaches Somatic Experiencing based on Peter Levineâs ground breaking work in the US and worldwide, including Denmark, Italy, Norway, Switzerland, Israel, Germany and Australia. Remember that there are three insecure attachment styles (Anxious, Avoidant, Disorganized), and one secure style (Secure). So, I’m so grateful to all the people that research attachment and teach attachment and have had that focus as well as trauma. We’re just we love each other. And sometimes I have a really great clinical intervention and then my client, does it wrong or doesn’t do it the way I actually describe it, which is it turns out to be better. But it’s, I think, a very hopeful message. It’s kind of our way to pay it for everything we do every year. But they didn’t have therapy as a resource, really, culturally, at least the United States wasn’t a normal thing to go to therapy. And then I’m protective of the relationship, in the relationship coupledom or bubble situation from the outside world. So, there’s kind of a it seems to me a little bit of a stronger focus on mothers and children. Simply, click on the show on your podcast app>scroll down to the bottom of all the episodes>in the ratings and reviews section tap stars to rate>click write a review. Very different, right than what we would think of as therapy but that was therapy way more than like sitting with one person. Compassionate Insight. I worked very cognitively with him. So, I want to ask it. Diane Poole Heller is a licensed therapist and noted expert in trauma, integrative healing, and secure attachment. Bio: Diane Poole Heller, Ph.D. 43 Resources 44. And he went from being a drug dealer to a CEO of a software company over the treatment course. So, they feel a little abandonment or fear of abandonment or I won’t be there when they look back. He’s getting acknowledged as a bishop in his thing, but he was also a police officer for several years, and he was a US Marshal for 10 years and he was a Greenbrae. It makes a big difference in getting the word out to other people who will benefit from this podcast. But I do think that too many separations and divorces happen because people don’t know things that they could be doing. I feel this like my heart stays open. I think people are going out a little bit more and that could change by the time this is aired, maybe people will be out even more. And I also want to thank her too, just for her the intention she set in working with racism and what’s happening right now. I think he’s made a huge contribution to our fields, in terms of kind of having the research that helps us understand why a somatic orientation really helps. And I mean, obviously, about health care and racism. I think of it as try mindfulness like where, what’s happening in you, as you’re listening to an activating story, what’s happening in the client, you’re able to track that, but also what’s happening inter-relationally in the relational field between you and I think having that focus on all three things is really, really helpful. I’m curious wanting to ask you in a few minutes about how to work with the body on zoom. I try to highlight anybody’s work that I feel is life affirming and effective. I see a few friends though. Therapy looks really different. And that’s the greatest way we can, together as a community right now be sharing information. So, most people like to fly in and fly out, I stay and I go to every workshop that has something about diversity, or something about gender or something about something outside my area, because I’m really trying to make my understanding bigger and it has been so helpful, especially like I did Patti dies. She is the daughter of two of the indigenous peoples in Canada. It’s almost never about what they’re talking about in their fight. She did a lot of the legwork on that, by the way she approached working to have the training happen. And I have all my reasons, you know, the list and everything. That is one of the major markers for not passing on attachment patterning that’s one patterning to the next generation. And then there’s a lot of neurobiology that we could go into everything from mirroring to prefrontal cortex to how the nervous system manages trauma and threat, as well as the vagus nerve just trying to help people understand the physiology and why it’s important and then how to clinicalize it everything with me is how to clinicalize it like how do you make it practical, like I like it when people can get off a call and use something right away with their clients. Diane Poole Heller, Ph.D., is an established expert in the field of Child and Adult Attachment Theory and Models, trauma resolution, and integrative healing techniques. Because otherwise you keep trying to force people into a box that may not fit for them. It’s the conversation of sort of monogamy versus polyamory and then getting into this whole conversation of attachment. And then also what’s happening with the attachment situation, what’s happening in the relational field even as the therapist working with the client, how are they presenting? And I love that because when you think about the kaleidoscope, right, you could be looking through it and just keep it fixed like not move it. But we have the benefit and this generation, these generations, we’re now to really take all this knowledge and use it in a way that can be incredibly healing. And not think you’re being a good friend by trashing the other person. He’s trying to create what he calls Tactical compassion for the police to force them to meet whoever they meet as a dignified other person to see that person as a human being, which sounds normal, but really brings that into the police force. Okay. Well, one of the things that first of all, there’s this interesting situation that I’m sure you’ve had clients that I didn’t know the language around this so I’m going to share this something I actually learned from Stan Tatkin, he does the PACT work that when you get within like four to six feet of a person that you’re in a relationship with, you may have when you were first attracted them, you might have loved the sound of their voice, you couldn’t wait to hear it on your phone or hear their answering machine. But I find those perspectives really helpful. Therapy Mastermind Series, a joint class with Diane Poole-Heller. And that was where we usually stayed at home moms and the United States anyway, and went to work dads. Sometimes it’s called type D, and people tend to call it disorganized because that really describes what’s going on. How you see the role of being able to achieve secure attachment functioning in a person’s life. You’re whatever, they did all these things, but let’s get off of that and what’s going on for you that you have such a reaction to this, and then I start doing that more and more, just obviously, I’m going to get to my personal truth a lot I don’t know in a more authentic way than if I just stay in the position of blaming this person who might have done something that was egregious, but even if they did, I still feel I have to figure that out. DH. So, all of a sudden, you don’t like the way they smell, you don’t like the sound of their voice, you want to run out the door, you don’t want to touch them, you feel like withdrawn that way. Radical Change. Yes. Play is a really big component of secure attachment, being able to play sometimes we play on our own, but if we can start it for the relationship, we can also find some play connection together, being protective of ourselves, even in the relationship like being protective of I’m protecting myself when I’m having a conflict but I’m also feeling like I want to make sure I’m leaving my partner in a respected and dignified way that they aren’t losing their dignity. They can’t follow the thread, or there’s so few words you don’t really get a feeling for what’s happening. So, I did a lot of demos with people from different groups. And I think especially now during the pandemic because not everybody is lucky enough to have a securely attached partner or family going where they have that nice face to face yummy connection at home that helps them feel safer even in the midst of this constant invisible threat of a pandemic. Results can be misleading, however. But it also unlocked a lot of historical trauma that I didn’t even know I had. But it’s a really challenging time. So, I think it’s obviously an individual choice. She was saying that she wasn’t sure about how it would work with polyamory in the beginning, either but when she’s been working with polyamorous couples, she said, it’s really interesting, the ones that are working, they have such a high level of commitment and also conversation and they have this way of articulating and working through really complex issues, that she was quite impressed by their capacity. And then the fourth one is really tough. I think some of those same attachment issues probably would need to be addressed with each dyad. Beautiful. So, people could say he took it, it’s just helpful to get an idea of like, what, okay, this might be coming from me. This assessment calculates with simple math which means you can receive a “Secure” result with as little as 26%. And some of them are different gender identity, folks and different racial groups are represented in that group. I had it so well disconnected from myself. And what I found was really great information and really great research and we’re building on so many wonderful people that we all are familiar with John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth and Mary Mane and all these many, many people I could mention Dan Siegel, that there wasn’t as much available as in a clinical sort of way, like, okay, you’re in the hot seat, you’re sitting with a client and you know, attachment theory and you know, trauma and all that, but how do you clinicalize the research, how do you use it? So, it is when you hear that a lot of times people then move towards separation. ology, to want that or they feel like something bad will happen if they go into co regulation. Well, speaking of healthcare providers and the current moment, the pandemic that we’re in and a lot of remote sessions happening for therapists and also for physicians and nurse practitioners, what would you like to say to the healthcare practitioners out there who are working with trauma right now, more from a teletherapy perspective? In this episode of Insights at the Edge, Tami Simon speaks with Diane about the different attachment styles that we pick up in childhood and carry subconsciously into our adult behaviors. When the attachment system starts to get challenged, which it does in relationships, I mean, you know, relationships, they’re challenging for most people, you know, there’s a lot to work out a lot of times in the beginning, and that’s part of the value of them too. And today, we’re going to be talking with Dr. Diane Poole Heller. And so, like if the other person has low back pain, the partner would put their hand there to try to regulate the back pain. 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